I’m sorry I didn’t post anything yesterday. I was too busy screaming all day in my room, inside the cinema and at the arcade to think about anything really. I had so much fun that none off all the pain mattered. But today I became more furious than I’ve ever been in my life and I was this close to throwing my university education away for someone that’ll just gloat about it and enjoy her own life. That’s what happens when you love stupidly. The people that you love push you to the brink of murder. Oh yes, I would have strangled my “friend” if she had said the word “idiot” one more time. I was so emotional. Choked up. But is it really worth it? Is all of this worth it at all?
If there’s anything I’ve learnt in the past four days, it is that the people that care about you will ask questions and not just make assumptions and stick with it. And the people that love you will take you as you are, warts and all. They’ll tell you that you’re damaged goods and you’re erratic but it makes you all the more beautiful to them.
It’s true that a man never knows how to say goodbye and a woman never knows when to say goodbye. But I’ve made up my mind to rather have enemies than live with friends that secretly put me down, I’ve come to realize that it’s way past time to say goodbye. I’ve decided to never beg anyone for the love, respect and attention that I should be showing myself. I’m tired of wasting my time with people but I can never go back to the innocent carefree girl that I was when all of these things just didn’t matter; I can only do my best to fake it.
Even at that, even if you know that it’s not working out, it’s still sad. Even in a bad situation, they’re part of your life for a long time, and saying goodbye to them can be difficult. It’ll feel good eventually. It’ll feel right. But saying goodbye to anything you’ve done or had that long is hard. Why do you think addictions are so hard to get over?
Goodbyes always hurt. Pictures can never replace what was there, memories good or bad. Words can never truly describe how we feel when we say goodbye. You’ll miss the conversations and their presence in your life but think of this way..
Now that these things have exited your live, you have to actually work on filling all the time you used to waste with them. At the end of the day, I have always seen the end of my friendships and relationships as a personal failure and there’s nothing pretty about goodbyes; so I’d rather say hello. Hello to a new adventure. Hello to the first day of the rest of my life. All those clichés.
Basically I have to say goodbye to things in order to take on bigger and better things that I’ve always wanted to do. We all should. Sometimes we must let go of the life that we have planned so as to accept the one that is waiting for us. As you say goodbye to lingering disappointments and unattended grief, you will discover that every person, situation and painful incident comes bearing gifts. Nothing lasts forever and we’re all going to be memories one day so I’ve made up my mind.
My time on earth is limited, so I won’t waste it living someone else’s life. I won’t be trapped by dogma – which is living with the results of other people’s thinking. I won’t let the noise of other people’s opinion drown out my own inner voice. And most importantly, I’ll have the courage to follow my heart and intuition.
Finally, this is not me saying good riddance to bad rubbish. This is me saying that change is the law of life; and those who look only to the past or present are certain to miss the future. The truth is I don’t know what is going to happen tomorrow. Life is a crazy ride, and nothing is guaranteed; but only you can change your life. No one else can do it for you.
And don’t forget that if you’re brave enough to say goodbye, life will reward you with a new hello.
Please listen to Natasha Bedingfield’s Unwritten and These Words. I’ve found that these songs give me the kick I need when I am feeling down about the decisions I make in my life. They might help you too.
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