I hope this post meets you in impeccable health. Today’s post is a very controversial one, and it was influenced by a conversation/argument I had with a group of guys this weekend. The questions above haunts lovers and fascinates researchers, with the latest findings being as sobering as they are: You could be doing everything right and your partner could still be tempted to cheat for reasons that have nothing to do with you or the feelings you share.
According to You May Call it Cheating But We Don’t(link is external), it’s fine to veer once in a while from the relationship; so I have a few questions and not enough answers: What exactly makes for cheating? Is kissing enough to change a friendship into an affair? Should the partner be told about this? Would you believe your partner if they told you they kissed someone else but it was just a kiss? Would you break up with your partner for kissing someone else? Is kissing even cheating? At what point does kissing turn a friendship into something more? When would you be threatened by your partner’s friendship to a member of the opposite sex? It seems like attraction to other people is a constant thing in a relationship so how often do partners fantasize or actually act on their attraction to other people apart from their partners? When does cheating become “too much”? These questions go on and on, but I don’t have enough answers so in this post, I can only attempt to answer the first and second question. What really is cheating? We know that some people cheat on their spouses and partners, but the question is why do they take such emotional and practical risks?
WHAT CONSTITUTES CHEATING?
I don’t have all the answers but in my opinion, it depends on the understanding between partners. Anything ranging from spending too much time with and giving too much attention to any member of the opposite sex, to kissing and actually engaging in sexual relations with them, could constitute cheating. That being said,
WHY DO PEOPLE CHEAT?
There are so many reasons why people claim they cheat on their partners and below are 10 (ten) of such reasons:
1. Lack of sexual satisfaction in your primary relationship: It may seem like a no-brainer but if there is a lack of sexual satisfaction in your primary relationship, you may be tempted to cheat on your partner no matter how much you love them. Outrageously, the most common reason for a man to stray is ‘to save the relationship’ by satisfying themsleves sexually.
2. Neglect/Wanting emotional validation from someone else: If you find yourself feeling that your partner is not paying enough attention to you or not spending enough time with you, you may be tempted to cheat on them. Being appreciated is a key factor in the emotional connection that partners feel toward each other. Partners may grow apart and, as they do, fail to acknowledge the needs that both have in their relationship.
3. Situational factors: There are some situational factors that may seem like excuses, for instance while “I was soooo drunk” may seem like the oldest excuse in the book, it really is a legitimate excuse for some adulterers.
4. To boost one’s self esteem: As childish as it seems, some people may cheat to enhance their self esteem. We all like to have our ego stroked every once in a while. Little wonder that 6.3% of men and women said they’d cheat in order to boost their confidence.
5. Anger: Sometimes infidelity can be as simple as an act of pure rage, with 43% of people saying they cheated on someone out of anger. Either they wanted to get revenge on that person for already cheating on them or perhaps they just had a really infuriating day at home and when they got to the office they erm, fell into the arms of, say, an amorous colleague. Lol
6. Falling out of love with your partner: This was a relatively insignificant reason in the Omarzu study, perhaps because “love” is so difficult to define. In the grand scheme of things, having sexual and emotional intimacy seems to trump love.
7. Falling in love with someone new: Not everyone knows what they want right away so some people cheat because they thought they had found “the one” in their partner, but as time went by they found that that person wasn’t what they wanted after all.
8. Revenge: If their partner had been unfaithful, 4% of men and 2.8% of women said they would cheat too, in order to ‘even the score’, thus saving the relationship. Kmt. I’d be interested to hear if this ever really works!
9. Curiousity: Believe it, some people hear about others cheating on their partners and get curious enough to want to experience it. Looking at this, I can see why our partners’ choice of friends plays a vital role in whether or not our relationships will last.
10. Low commitment: This is oriented toward people’s definitions of exclusivity, Selterman said, “Some people say they never discussed being exclusive with their partner or ‘I didn’t want to get too close,’ or ‘I don’t envision a future with this person,’” he noted, “They’re in a relationship, but they haven’t specified that the commitment level is high or the exclusivity is there.”
My friend told me that being faithful is unnatural for humans just as it is for animals and monogamy is the anomaly, not cheating. He went further to say that most people don’t practice monogamy in the real sense of it but instead practice serial monogamy. Also, he said that despite how much we try to stay fruitful to that one person, we may end up failing because it’s just in our nature. I agree with him on these points and it more than accounts for why people cheat and then put forward excuses for their actions, but thankfully there is some good news to restore our faith in monogamy. About 75% of people declared they would not cheat on a partner for any reason.
Although, while most of us stick to those vows, women are 25% more likely to lie to their partner about past indiscretions and sexual history… Those are definitely stats to think about.
Now I want to leave it to my readers to answer the next question: WHO CHEATS MORE IN RELATIONSHIPS, MEN OR WOMEN? Debate amongst yourselves.
Lastly, do you have answers to any of these questions I have posed? Do you have any misgivings, or anything to add? I’m open to learning. Let me have it in the comments section.
Hey beautiful. Hey handsome.
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