Your favourite small blogger is back! 💃💃💃
Who missed me?
My previous blog post about How To Love a Loyal Woman got such great feedbacks that it warmed my heart, so I’ll like to first thank everyone that took time out to read it. And if you’re new here, I’ll like to say a big welcome and thank you for visiting SmalleeWrites. I hope you leave my site having learnt something new.
Moving on, some of my friends were clamouring for an article for the guys, so I decided to write this one. I hope you like it.
Most women seem to constantly have their guards up as if to say that they’re going to battle with men. We first need to know the ones that came to battle so that we will not entertain them, so we can be found by the ones who didn’t come to fight us. Because not every man is out to get you; some want to protect your heart as much as you do. And when you meet them, you better know how to put your weapons down and go from warrior princess to a loving queen real quick or else you’re going to lose him.
A huge point of making the transition from the single life where you have to protect your heart from all these guys who don’t have your best interest at heart, into a relationship where a man is only trying to protect your heart is understanding what a good loyal man needs from his woman. Here are seven of them that I have compiled based on my limited experience with men.
WHAT A GOOD MAN NEEDS FROM HIS WOMAN
The first thing is knowing the importance of and knowing how to deploy casual respect. This is something a lot of women don’t think is a big deal, or they think it’s a part of their personality, but let me tell you: to a good man, on a scale of 1 to 10, respect is a 20. It’s all in your body language or the little phrases you say when you’re having a disagreement, if you cut him off while he’s talking, talk over him, suck your teeth, roll your eyes, walk away while he’s still talking and making his point, saying things like “boy bye” “whatever”. Little things like that matter.
Look, despite a woman’s intelligence, how fine she is, or how faithful she is, in a relationship that would otherwise be great, casual disrespect can make it a living hell especially for this man that’s already doing his best.
Imagine calling your man’s reaction to something you did a temper tantrum. That’s casual disrespect. In fact, it’s blatant disrespect. It is not a big blow up where you call him out in front of his family and friends, but that alone can make a man who really wants to stay find the exit; because the same way a good woman shouldn’t stay in a relationship where she’s not appreciated, neither will a good man stay where he’s not being respected but is being emasculated instead. But you know what, nobody is perfect. So that brings me to my next point.
The second thing that every good man is going to need from his woman is the ability to take real accountability. Not fake accountability where you say “You know what, maybe I was wrong , but…” Real accountability is when you not only acknowledge the ways that your wrongs might have made him feel and apologise for that, and then you ask for permission, yes I said permission, to speak and explain where you’re coming from.
You see, when you briefly acknowledge what you did wrong right before you jump into an explanation about why you did what you did, it comes off as more of a formality, just a checkbox you tick so you can bring the conversation back around to how you feel and what your perspective is, which implies that his feelings and his perspective doesn’t matter. A lot of guys don’t know to articulate this because they weren’t taught as young boys that they could have feelings and emotions and still be masculine, but when a woman that a good man loves acts like his feelings don’t matter, guess what? It hurts his feelings.
As for the part about asking for permission to speak your piece, that shows him that in that moment you regard his feelings about your wrongdoings as the priority, not your feelings about getting called out on it. It is one of the biggest displays of humility, something you may not have had to practice very much as a single woman. But in a relationship with a good man, it can make all the difference between how much effort he’s going to put in going forward , to ensure that he doesn’t lose you, because now more than ever before, he knows he has a diamond.
3. Good sex
It is no secret that men, and women, need sex. But physical intimacy includes a lot more than just sex including kissing, cuddling, teasing… Men need women who let them feel sexually open and who aren’t afraid to be intimate or find pleasure. For both men and women, sex is a way to feel connected and deepen your bond. Men need to feel comfortable expressing their true sexual desires without thinking they’ll be judged, shamed or mocked for them.
Your man is definitely going to need you to be more physically active in bed. Don’t be afraid to initiate sex with him more often. When he has to initiate all the time, it makes him feel less desirable and can give him performance anxiety. Don’t be afraid to tell him “Let’s try this thing I saw/read” Porn is poisoning sexual relationships these days, but talking about fantasies – without necessarily acting on them – can still be helpful. Talk about sex with him; what you require to get satisfied, what you’re willing to give. If you have a deep emotional bond, which you undoubtedly will, there isn’t a lot that isn’t sexually viable.
Take charge sometimes. Take responsibility for your pleasure. You can learn a lot about what turns you on through sex, but your man doesn’t have to be solely responsible for your pleasure. You need to do your own homework. Don’t just leave him to fumble on his own.
Be spontaneous. Be open minded. Role play. Be adventurous. Don’t hold back. If you want to get on top, by all means please do. If you like it a little rough, then make it that way. Do kegels during the act (thank me later😉). Give him compliments. Tell him how you love it when he flips you over in doggy. Or when he kisses your neck. Or when he licks that spot. Be vocal. Experiment, experiment, experiment!!!
Have fun nicknaming his manhood. Most men secretly love it when you give them sexy nicknames for their manhood. It plays into how they see themselves sexually – a bit of a sex bomb. And that you see it too.
No matter what anybody thinks, the blowjob remains one of the greatest wishes of men, so while taking care of the little man, be fully involved while you pamper him and show him that there’s nothing else you’d rather be doing. And don’t forget the balls, ladies. Don’t ever forget them.
-In fact, I might have to do a whole post on the subject because it is an art that I think every woman needs to perfect. (Leave a comment if you’ll like me to)
Also, if your man is up for it, you should consider stimulating his prostate. Some confess they’d secretly love a little fingertip prostate stimulation either during foreplay or full sex. Suggest you can ease his “forbidden” area by slipping a condom on the finger you want to use. It is a complete myth that he has gay tendencies if he wants prostate stimulation. It gives men mega-powerful orgasms and straight guys are waking up to this.
4. A Teammate
Remember that relationships are partnerships. You are on the same team, you are not enemies and you are not out to get your man. So many people treat their partners as their rivals, they see the worst in the other person, they fight to win instead of fighting to resolve the problem and make the relationship even stronger.
The best relationships are when two people are on the same team and are able to support one another. If you don’t have that, your relationship will be a very lonely and miserable place.
Men may seem all independent and tough, but deep down, he really needs a woman in his corner who supports him and sees the best in him, even when he can’t see it himself. He needs a woman who is proud of the man he is and admires him for his true, authentic self (as opposed to the surface mask he wears in public) He needs a woman who truly loves who he is at the core.
5. Acknowledgment and Appreciation
The fifth thing that every good man needs from his woman, and I can’t stress this enough, is acknowledgment for the things that he does right on a consistent basis, whether big or small. The acknowledgment has to be on a regular basis and with specificity. Yes, we’re all aware that men like to spoil their women. But men like to be spoiled too. You can acknowledge him by doing just that. So you should know what your man likes and do it for him.
If he likes to hang out with his boys on the weekends, take him to go get a really nice haircut so he can look good while at it. You can also have a nice outfit that you bought for him or picked for him ready for him to wear. You see his wrist is always naked? Get him a new wristwatch. Something. Anything. However you want to go about it, just attach it to the things that add the most value to him and ultimately your relationship.
Now, a lot of these things that your man will be doing for you are things that he’s supposed to do anyway; but your articulation of your appreciation for these things turns them from being obligatory to something that he does with pleasure. Like, it’s the beaming smile on your face while he spoils you that puts one on his, even when you’re not there, and can result in him doing a lot more.
I don’t see many people talking about this, but we should. A lot of women have a hard time with this concept. It’s hard for us because it’s not our process. When we’re upset or dealing with something difficult, we typically seek out those closest to us. If we shut people out, it’s because we don’t feel close to them or because we’re mad at them.
But the truth is, men aren’t like us. When they’re feeling emotionally off, they reflexively retreat to their “man cave” to sort through the issue on their own. The last thing they need is someone infiltrating their personal space.
When a woman can gracefully give a man space without taking it personally and making him feel guilty, then he comes to love and appreciate her even more. It shows him that she’s emotionally mature enough to respect his needs, even if it might not be something she wants, and when he gets himself together he will be an even better man to her.
The seventh thing that a good man needs from his woman, and I saved this for last because it gets overlooked quite a bit, is simply trust. Every good man needs his woman to 100% trust him. Speak to the King in your man with your actions. This shows him that you no longer have your fuckboy radar on, and you have high expectations of him. It says that whenever you see him, you see the best in him, and that you have the utmost confidence that he is who he says he is and that he won’t hurt you. You have no idea how trust from his woman affects a man. Confidence from the woman that a man loves is like wind beneath his wings.
This is one of the reasons why it is very important to have fully healed after a hurtful situation before moving into a new relationship, because in more than one way, you can’t effectively love a man if you don’t fully trust him. And if he’s giving you no reason to question his intentions, his judgement or the man that he is, then the best reward for that is your full trust. That means not checking over his shoulder when he’s on his phone, asking him who this or that girl is; or if he comes home late, so long as it’s not a normal occurrence, ask him if he’s okay instead of asking him what he was doing and where he’s coming from.
That makes all the difference in you being his place of peace versus being round two of the chaos he just had to go through with the rest of the world.
That’s it, guys!
Take my word for what it’s worth, but it would be a shame if you went through all of this trial and error with these guys just to finally be found by a good man, but losing him because you forgot that he has needs to.
Ladies, I hope this has been helpful.
Gentlemen, if I’m lying tell me I’m lying but if I’m telling the truth, let me and all these girls know in the comments section.
Thank you for reading.
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