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If you have never met any guy who just went poof and you never heard from him again, you are one of the lucky ones.
Ghosting is misconstrued a lot, so let me first clarify what it is or rather, what it is not. Ghosting is not when you have been talking for two or three days and he just falls back without explanation. At that point, that’s the lowest level of commitment and the both of you have the right to walk away.
Ghosting is not when you know that you did something that was trifling or maybe he did and either of you bounce. There are some violations that warrant just leaving without a warning, like if they hit you or betray your trust in a way you can’t get over or disrespect you. So if you did something that really violated them and they walked away, that’s not ghosting either.
Ghosting is when everything is going good; you’re talking all night, cuddling, making plans, you’re dropping your hoes and he’s supposedly dropping his, and then he just disappears, except you know he’s still alive because he is still on social media. Your messages get left unread, he doesn’t respond to calls or texts or anything. That’s what ghosting is, and it typically happens for one of two reasons.
The main reason ghosting happens is because he can’t continue with what you were building and the reason conflicts with something he told you at some point. So he’s about to get caught in a lie and instead of admitting that he lied and just being a decent human being, doing the honorable thing by letting you know things aren’t going further, he decides to ghost.
It’s the same with what used to happen to us as kids; when you got caught in a lie, you’d start fidgeting and you would want to be on another planet, but you couldn’t. However, it’s different when we’re adults, so perhaps he said something to the effect of “I’m single” “I’m just being low-key” when he’s actually not and he just wants to act single because he and his girlfriend are on bad terms. He’s only able to create distance between him and his woman, and in the meantime hunts for some substitute action, but he knows you’re too much of a good girl to go for that so he lies. Then things work out better than he thought they would and he gets back together with her. Now he has a decision to make; he has a girl that he likes and another that he is still in love with and committed to. So what does he do? He ghosts, because he is too embarrassed to say that he lied to you from the beginning and things were good but they were going nowhere.
Another reason a guy would ghost is because you were in a competition with other women and you lost. Now, that’s normal. It happens. There are guys that have lost to other guys in your life. The honorable thing is to say, “Hey, I’m not interested in going further with you,’ but that’s not how these dudes operate because a lot of times, guys are scared of commitment and even though they made a choice, they’re not sure they should have made that choice, so they want to leave these other bridges unburned and crack some doors open a little bit just in case they want to walk through them later on and fill in the blanks of your curiosity on what went wrong with some bullshit.
The “bullshit” typically includes him blaming you in some capacity; something he saw on your social media, something you said, an attitude you had or he was catching feelings then he got scared and just disappeared, but all of a sudden he comes back and whatever made him leave in the first place no longer exists at that point. Now he wants to talk again.
There’s really only one proper response to a guy that goes ghost on you – the mistake women make is reevaluating yourself and wondering where you went wrong. That is not the appropriate reaction. The other thing you shouldn’t do is go asking why he did what he did. All you’ll end up doing is entertaining him and whatever bs he comes back with to try and convince you that you were at fault for him ghosting in the first place. The appropriate reaction is for you to let him STAY DEAD. Be grateful that he gave himself away before you got in deep and maybe even pregnant.
It’s kinda like when people say, “Once a cheat, always a cheat” If he ghosts once, he’ll do it again once he comes back and gets what he wants from you.
Men aren’t cats, they don’t have nine lives, so if one ghosts on you, unless you want to be a revolving door for dudes to come in and out of, you need to keep the ghosts where they belong – in the afterlife.
If you’ll like to read a second part, please leave a comment.
Until next time,
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