On my way back from Law of Commercial Transactions class yesterday, I couldn’t stop thinking about how good friends will talk about school and how far they’ve gone with their notes and all that good stuff. I’m not saying that talking about boys and how you want to collect money from them is not a good thing. Far from it. It’s your life, you see? And by all means, feel free to move with people of like minds. But when your opinion of life and what you want out of it changes, you just might need to change your friends. Or is it possible to teach an old dog or a group of old dogs, new tricks?
What would you do if your close friend of over a year stops talking to you out of the blues? Would you assume she’s angry over something and get angry in return? Or would you talk to her to find out why she’s not talking to you? What does your friendship mean to you, really?
And you there, have you ever looked at the people you call your friends and thought that you were just being used? Not appreciated enough? Ever thought you were the only one doing all the loving? What’s your place in your clique? Are you the one that’s just being tolerated because of what the others gain from her? The one that gives all the advice and helps the others offload their burdens but never gets asked how she feels, the state of her mind? The one that supports whatever her “friends” do but they never take even a minute out of their time to check out her blog? The one that uses her “friend” because that one has put her on a fucking pedestal? The one that everybody calls when they are having a crisis, but you are also quickly forgotten afterwards? The one that doesn’t exist anymore for those people once they get back on their feet? Which one are you?
Have you ever given so much of yourself that you lose your own self? Your self-importance, your self-worth, your self-respect. All gone. And all for what? Because you love your “friends” and you don’t want to lose them? Because you don’t know how to make new ones? My dear, you can learn. Because these girls will leave you and forget all about you. They’re looking out for themselves; using you to look better and feel better about themselves. So you do you, ok? That’s all you can do for yourself right now.
There comes a time when you have to stop crossing oceans for people who wouldn’t jump puddles for you. A time to rather move on than to hold on to people that don’t respect or appreciate you. Let your absence teach them what your presence couldn’t. Loyalty isn’t staying in a situation where you’re unappreciated; that’s called breaking your own heart. Your time, love and favors become an expectation and aren’t appreciated at all.
Go where you’re admired, not where you’re tolerated. If they don’t appreciate you, it’s time to find people who do. You deserve to be treated like a queen. You deserve to be loved the same way that you love all of them. They don’t deserve you if they don’t love, respect and appreciate you.
It’s ok to feel guilty for wanting the thank-you and the acknowledgement and the flowers and gifts, but you should also know that you deserve it for the love that you have given and what you did to help. You may find that with time these same people will come back and offer their thanks. Or they may not. Ever. And that can be a hard pill to swallow. But you need to remind yourself that it’s a good thing.
Losing a “friend” that doesn’t appreciate you is not a loss but a gain. If you’re brave enough to say goodbye, life will reward you with a new hello.
You’re an incredibly generous person who has offered endless support and encouragement to others throughout the years. Perhaps it’s time that you offered the same to yourself. I mean, what if one of them was in the same situation and they came to you for help? What would you advise them to do?
He who undervalues himself is justly undervalued by others. So take care of you. If they can’t or won’t do the same for you, don’t waste your time taking care of them. You’re a flashlight in the dark; you’re not to be overlooked. You’re the most important person in your life. So act like it!
No humor at all in this one, sadly. But it is more of a note to self than one of those ramblings so.. I hope you enjoyed it anyway. Oh, and you can tell me what you think in the comments section. Do you know anybody that’s going through this? What would you do if you were in their shoes?
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