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Love or Money?
I think people have to be more understanding when it comes to finances, because the truth of the matter is, regardless of what you see on social media, majority of people aren’t balling. Many people are living paycheck to paycheck, they can hardly save up anything after rent and other bills have been paid. So the money is no longer there and all you’ll have left is love so you better find somebody who loves you and brings something to the table, and then you guys can come together and make magic.
Even though I would, I’m still of the opinion that if you choose money over TRUE love, you’ll most likely always be broke. Love and money are not the same, because the more money you spend the less you have and the more love you spend the more YOU SHOULD get in return.
In the same vein, happiness is everything, so if you know you need money to be happy then by all means go for it.
Many people have this fairy tale of getting swept up their feet and dating the 1%. Guess what? I have dreams of being the president’s daughter, and all I can say to us both is good luck. Let’s face the sad, heart wrenching reality, dears.
“Building” Your Partner
On the flip side, finance is a major reason why people get divorced. And it’s not necessarily about the money, but sometimes the motivation to be in a better financial position matters. It’ll be really hard to be with someone who’s content with being broke if you see more in them.
I can understand, if you’re trying to grow in your career and going hard for things; trying to do more and be more, it can get frustrating to be with someone that can’t match that energy.
You and your partner should have a plan to help each other grow. If I am to choose between a content partner and an ambitious person, I would choose the latter because I can’t imagine it otherwise. And yeah, ambition should be realistic. You can’t be on your fourth mixtape at 40 with no backup plan just in case music doesn’t work out.
You and your woman should be able to come together, pool your resources together, and figure out how to get plans off the ground.
This is 2019. If you are concerned about money, go ahead and make it, be with someone who’s just as driven as you are and if a man that is there for you, loves you and cares for you but isn’t financially your type isn’t enough, then get someone who is.
I know ambition can’t be instilled in anyone who doesn’t want more for himself/herself; after all, their commitment level will be very low and resentment will build if it fails, but consider this:
If your child is putting in average or below average work in school, you know you’re going to push him to do better so what about your partner that you want to build a life with?
Constructive criticism and motivation can be helpful, there’s really nothing wrong with it. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with wanting your man or woman to step it up. Values matter, so if you value money you should be with someone who does too. If your man is taking care of you, paying the bills and what you really care about is going on trips and balling, then I think you should get a good job and make it happen together.
You can’t just wave a magic wand and make more money; although I wish we could. You can’t be close minded, you have to grow, be driven, be bothered when you aren’t getting things done, work towards a goal and be your own person.
If they encourage you to do something that is beneficial to you and not just “anything it takes” then you should work on it. A secure person would take the criticism and turn it into fuel, go out and burn even brighter; so even if you don’t end up together, you’ll always be able to take care of yourself.
I still think people should choose love because if you’re lucky enough to find true love, you become rich in things that money cannot buy, but I’ll never be content with being content.
Lest I forget, when your partner starts making money, some of you complain about them not giving you all the time and attention that they used to, forgetting the fact that they’re getting that money that you wanted so badly. There is no balance.
Reliance on a Partner
I saw it online once that if you can’t get $200 from the man you’re fucking when you need it, then why are you fucking him? Most people think this means that the woman is a gold digger, but I think it makes sense. This is different from when a man is throwing money around and expecting something from a woman or when a woman only wants money.
Even if sex and money are far from equivalent, they both can be used for the same purposes – as an extension of affection of sorts. That’s why I agree.
If you’re doing everything in your power to ensure that a man is good, his peace of mind is priority to you and financially he sees you in a bind and says “fuck you”, then why are you dealing with him?
For a second, let’s scratch the part about it being $200. Let’s say you need help lifting something heavy and when you ask, he says no, or you’re depressed and need someone to listen, but he won’t even talk to you, then why do you still fuck with him?
It is one thing if he’s impaired in some way but if your man sees struggling with anything, and he doesn’t even try to help, then you have no business keeping yourself available for him when he needs you or at all. This is not about exchanging money for pussy. It’s about exchanging effort for effort. A broke man would say “Hey, I only have hundred but I’ll see if I can help you come up with the remaining hundred.”
And the same goes for men because I know you’ll ask; if a woman is constantly asking you for money yet doesn’t know you well enough to give you anything that you want or need, then pull back until you’re on the same page, because she’s probably using you.
Situations like this is why women are out here getting their own money so when a man is reaching for some action, she can slap his hands away and he has no right to feel any way about it. Fair’s fair.
Now, back to the main topic. A lot of women are scared that they’ll be termed gold diggers because they ask you for any money yet he’ll wake you up in the morning for sex. Nah, if a dude will leave you stranded in hard times, then you should leave him stranded with his hardon.
Too Broke To Date 😔
Some people get offended when the concept of being too broke to date comes up, but I think there’s a time to date and when you are broke is definitely no time to be dating, especially as a man who’s meant to be a natural born provider. So if you don’t have your shit together or your immediate future doesn’t have any move(s) lined up or anything that’s about to come to fruition about your financial situation then you do not have money or time to be dating.
Even if you don’t spend a lot of money on the woman or you’re lucky enough to get a woman that’s cool and she just wants to take a walk or something simple like that, that’s fine but at some point she’s going to want more and as a man, if you can’t give her that, for some reason your pride and ego will be bruised and you’ll get mad and call her a gold digger, uppity, stuck up or say she doesn’t have realistic expectations.
Dating is an extracurricular activity and you should save all the extracurricular activities till when you get your work done and the necessities covered. Survival and making sure that you’re good, those should be your priorities. Cuddling, chilling, slinging poverty penis and vagina around, those are not.
Get your shit together. Get your priorities straight. Fucked up priorities get you fucked up. Simple as that.
If you’re dating, cuddling, chilling, investing time that you shouldn’t be investing into dating while your financial (and emotional) state is not straight, then you will stay broke.
And for all the ladies reading, I get that you want to be humble and not ask for too much or be too superficial but stop dealing with these men who don’t have their shit together or plans to do so.
They (and you) need to be spending that time fixing up your CV, applying for jobs, starting a business, taking a new class. There are plenty of things to do besides dating. I won’t even get wet on an empty stomach, so I don’t know how you guys do it. I don’t get it.
Financially Uneven Partners
I saw a meme online about a woman who makes 400k wanting to get married to a man who makes 40k and for a viral tweet it’s cool. It’s a beautiful love story. But in real life, ladies please don’t make it a habit to date guys who don’t make anywhere close to what you make. And this is not necessarily about the money but there should be some kind of fruit for his labor especially if you’re coming with a whole fruit basket.
If he can’t lead his own life, how is he going to lead a family?
Now let’s put money aside and talk strictly about fruit for labor. If you meet someone and they have nothing going on as far as their career is concerned, but yours is popping, what do you think will be their number one priority? I will give you a hint: if you’re starving and you see someone with a bucket at KFC, what would be your number one priority? Getting some, right?
If all that is missing in your life is love, that’s going to be your number one priority: getting love. But if it’s not the same with your partner, you’ll spend years building them, investing in them, trying to bring them up to their potential. For what? A ring less finger, stretch marks from the babies and scrolling past pictures of your ex and his new model girlfriend who was not even paying him any attention when he was broke.
Does this mean that a person is shit because their career isn’t popping? Absolutely not. It just means that it isn’t time for a relationship yet. Most people don’t know what they want yet so they’ll take what they can get. And once you fall in love you’ll probably end up “carrying” them, if they’re not ambitious themselves.
This is totally different from when you’re both building from the ground up because the energy levels will be unmatched.
Now let’s switch the context a bit.
Let’s say your partner doesn’t make a lot of money but he or she is a community activist or a school teacher, is it okay to date them? I say yes because in this situation their contribution is probably going to be more and the way they motivate you with their work ethic and vision. Plus they’re not expecting a lot of money so they won’t be using you for yours.
See, the difference is they have proven that they can make productive decisions in life as opposed to thinking that all they have to do is provide a bottomless dick or kitty and you’ll do the rest.
So simply making more than your partner is not an issue – at least it shouldn’t be because it’s not a competition. It is teamwork and nobody wins more points, since you are both winning, it’s all good.
But if you are LeBron James you should be looking to be with someone who’s at least a Dwayne Wade (in money or ambitions), not a water boy.
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