People that know me personally know that I always say that I’m not sure I’ll ever get married… Trust me, nothing has changed. But I figured that I don’t know Allah’s plans for me; I mean, if I did, he wouldn’t be God. So here’s a letter to explain to my future partner why I am the way I am, what will be going through my head if/when I meet him and what he will have to endure if I ever meet him…
Dear Life Partner,
I’ve had my heart-broken before, and I promised myself that I’ll never let anybody make me feel that way again. So when I meet you and you tell me that you want me, I’ll think that you have a lot of nerve and that you are rude. When you tell me that I am beautiful, I will think that you are trying to trick me. I won’t be trying to fall in love with you because I’ve built a wall around my heart, I’ve closed all the doors against myself and I’ve built a comfortable lifestyle for myself away from romantic involvements. I’m sorry if I seem unimpressed or like a pessimist at first but I will be mad at you for trying to alter my convictions.
So when you try to make me see reason and you’re making promises, I will definitely think that you are full of yourself. I have soaked myself in a countless number of insecurities so it’ll make me mad that I’m falling again. Because I’m used to people just using me, hurting me. But hard as I’ll try, I won’t be able to break away; I will try to cover up my pain but sooner or later I won’t be able to pretend that I don’t want you.
The truth is that before I meet you, I’ll be secretly praying everyday to be saved, for you to come along and sweep me off my feet… But when you do come, I’ll be scared to fall. I AM SCARED TO FALL. I’ll think that you are pushing me so hard just so that you can leave me like all the others.
But if you promise me you’ll catch me when I fall, then I guess it’ll be okay. I’ll tear down the walls I’ve built and open the doors… I’ll be with you. I know that nothing’s sure but surely I’ll be faithful to us. And I have never seen forever but I know that we’ll remain because you’ll be my safety.
Your currently hurting soul mate,
I have said this before but I don’t mind repeating myself…
I’m experiencing a bit of writer’s block right now (Actually no, I’m not. I’m just lazy and all I want to write about is kissing and making love).. So if anybody wants me to post anything in particular; if you have questions you want me to answer, please drop them in the comments section and I’ll get to it asap. Unless you want to continue reading my perverted thoughts, in which case I’ll be more than happy to oblige.
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