Dating the Justice League

Hello readers,

It’s your favorite small blogger again, welcoming you back to SmalleeWrites!馃拑馃拑馃拑

I hope this meets you in impeccable health.

Sorry geeks and comic lovers, this post is not going to help you summon the fictional characters you all love and bring them to life to fulfill all your wildest fantasies. Nope, this post isn鈥檛 about that, what it is about is identifying the Justice League boys and girls all around us and helping us make the choice on whether to date them or to run to the dark side, the League of Singledom.

First off, who are the members of the league? There are seven original members, but depending on who鈥檚 telling the story, the members rotate. Sometimes, we have a girl with wings, other times we have a boy in a robot鈥檚 body. But anyway, I鈥檒l be picking a few of them and breaking them down in this write-up.

To cut the long story short, we will be discussing,

路 The Superman

路 The Batman

路 The Wonder Woman

路 The Green Lantern

路 The Flash

路 The Hawk-girl/ The Hawk-man

路 The Martian Man-Hunter

路 The Cyborg

路 The Aquaman

路 The Shazam.

The Superman

They are the perfect partner. They always provide for you, care for you and swoop in to save the day with at a moment鈥檚 notice. They are all you鈥檝e ever dreamed of in a partner. But there is a problem with this kind of partner. The human mind is not wired to enjoy this kind of partner for too long. Soon you鈥檒l find life with them boring and unexciting, too predictable and you begin to thirst for something new. This is completely natural, it is because our brains associate conflict with growth and with the perfect partner, there is no conflict and as such there is no room for growth. So relationships with them peak pretty early.

The Batman

Dark, deep and broody. The mystery partner that we all find ourselves unwilling attracted to. Unlike the superman, they only step in when it is absolutely necessary. The air of mystery continuously pulls you in and you only want to find out more about them. This is often exciting and stimulating and most times with these kind of people you begin to think you鈥檝e reached your final bus stop. But with all Batmen there is a unique problem. The air of mystery becomes annoying as time goes on, you begin to wonder what kind of secrets they are keeping from you and more often than not, most people call it quits after a while. Also, batmen tend to have parental issues; unresolved daddy issues or maybe mummy鈥檚 boys.

The Wonder Woman

The warrior, the princess (or prince as the case may be) and the overall strong partner. They are extremely logical and get things done. They remember the little things and the big things and will take a stand for what they believe in, truth and justice and all that. But these kind of people have one major flaw though; they are too logical. They can rationalize everything, most especially a reason to cut you off and move on like you never even existed for your own good. Their mental strength leads to a lack of emotional strength; High IQ, low EQ kind of thing.

The Green Lantern

We have all dated this kind of person, if you haven鈥檛 then you probably are this kind of person. They are adventurous and as such they are fun to be with. They seek new thrills, dragging their partner along for the ride. They can show you the world from a whole new perspective and when they talk, they know what they are talking about because they鈥檝e experienced it. They are the ultimate fun people and therein lies the problem, lanterns are always seeking new thrills, new adventures and as such settling down becomes a problem. They begin to feel trapped in a relationship that鈥檚 not constantly providing excitement and as such tend to lash out at their partners in words or in actions. Only link up with a lantern if you have the will to keep the flame lit.

The Flash

This kind of people are the best to hang around; positive energy to go around. They always have a smile on their face and a joke on their lips. They bring that youthful glow back into your life in a relationship with their relaxed nature and they know the funniest things to say at all times. They are the adult children we all pray to be. But just like kids they are undependable, easily frightened by serious matters and tend to be late when it counts. The flash is best left as a flash that just passed through our lives; in fact I鈥檇 only recommend dating a flash if you were a flash yourself, otherwise catch your fun but don鈥檛 get too attached, they always run into the speed force, leaving you standing there with your charged heart.

The Hawk-girl/The Hawk-man

Battle hardened warrior that鈥檚 always forging ahead. They clear the path with brute logical force and never give up. With their skills trained by thousands of failed relationships in the past, they always know what to do, what to say and where to go. They are the perfect logical partner, when they aren鈥檛 obsessing about that one thing from their past; could be an ex, could be a failure, could be anything really, but the fact remains they forge ahead but the past still has a strong grip on them and boy does it tug at the edges of a relationship.

The Martian Man-hunter

While not exactly easy on the eyes every time, Martians can shape shift into kind of partner that you desire and need. You need a charmer? Martians. You need a shoulder to cry on? Martians. You need someone to play PES with or paint nails with? Ladies and gentlemen, Martians. They are the ultimate partner, God鈥檚 gift to humanity, blessed with skills that have you forgetting Wizkid is a musician and things of that nature. The problem with Martians is, they are the ultimate partners and therefore the greatest cheats. The ability to shape shift is a scary one, they can blend in anywhere and sometimes you begin to wonder if you are the one that鈥檚 in the wrong and made them cheat.

The Aquaman

The lord and lady of the depths. They are royal and elegant and they speak with authority. They are kings and queens, possessing great wisdom and great wealth of knowledge in their areas of specialization. They are the working incarnates of the god of knowledge and deep thought and they leave you stunned every time you interact with them. They make you shiver with their awesomeness and you dare not refuse them. This on its own is excellent, but like almost all royals, they are arrogant. Quick to take charge and never listening to the opinion of others. The even sadder part? Outside of whatever field they are specialized in, Aquamen are children; always needing you to hold their hands and wet them with knowledge. This can be very draining if one鈥檚 not careful.

The Cyborg

The tech whiz, the kind of person that aspires to be the next Steve Jobs. They are usually pretty smart, witty and at times, socially awkward which can be very cute most times. They are usually introverts and have mastered skills from within the pages of a book, maybe even the Kama-Sutra. They are amazing when they talk and drop little nuggets of knowledge on you from time to time. They are interesting for the first few months but soon enough you get bored of bookish talks and want to talk about real life stuff, which is a strange topic to them and then you begin to notice the little quirks, the insane love for their laptops, the baggy shirts and baggy bottoms and most importantly how heir glasses sits weirdly on their face. All round good guy, but not well rounded good guy.

The Shazam

Earth mightiest mortal. The exact copy of the superman, perfect in every way, you might even say he鈥檚 been blessed by the gods. Saves the day and unlike the superman, they even let you in and help them too from time to time. All about the family and will stand up for the ones they love. One downside though, they will occasionally become childish and unable to function in normal adult scenarios. One bad day and boom the word is said and Mr. Perfect is gone. If you do eventually get over the child thing, they tend to be obsessive and invasive, personal space is strange to them and even though they mean no harm, this can be pretty annoying.

I know you think I just discredited the mightiest force earth has ever assembled and told you not to date all of them, but nope, that鈥檚 not what I did. What I did was break down the different kinds of people you鈥檒l eventually meet and perhaps fall in love with and armed you with the knowledge to travel the terrifying waters of relationships.

Have more heroes you want me to analyze? Have something to say about this topic? Well I鈥檒l be waiting in the comments, let me know what you all think.

– Dexter for SmalleeWrites

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9 Replies to “Dating the Justice League”

  1. Joshman says:

    馃槶馃槶 you nearly killed the aquaman in me, buh nevertheless we royalty. I always knew bruce wayne (batman) was an ass, happy children’s shazam… nice one mummy DC 鉁岎煆锯湆馃従

    1. Bamise says:

      I feel like Shazam, a little of Wonder Woman, The Hawk, Flash, fam almost all of them like I’m super hero attributes’ porridge or something but whatever. Who go love go love. Like how I love this write up. It makes so much sense.

  2. J says:

    so basically I’m a mashup of all these heroes? great, dying alone

  3. ThePaulUgochukwu says:

    I kept looking forward to the “…but” in every hero and I’m glad none has a toxic side. I think the take home from this should be “understand your partner’s weaknesses and help work on ’em if you can”. And better still know yourself, if you’re a Flash or a Lantern…you have problems (or not)


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