Dexter here for SmalleeWrites!💃🏾💃🏾💃🏾
It’s been awhile, hasn’t it?
I know, I know, I missed you guys too. But I had to take an unavoidable hiatus. Anyway, I am back now and I am back with a bang (does a superhero landing.) Today, I bring something for our boys, sorry, men. Smallee has been neglecting you guys for a while now, hasn’t she? Well, no more, I am here to fight the good fight, for the male gender. Wazzaahhhhh!
A lot of relationship tips and lifestyle advice are usually geared towards women and personally, I find the idea very weird, after all, it takes two to tangle. (On a totally unrelated note, I really want a PS5, if for nothing but bragging rights. Anon, I am here o.)
Anyway, this is a post for guys (and girls) and you can think of it as a guide to relationships. It is not a map or anything like that, seeing as there is no one way to handle relationships, but you can think of them as candles that will light the path that you need to tread in your relationship. Personally, I call it “The Boy’s Guide to Relationships.”
Before we delve into the muddy waters that are relationships and start rolling around in it, I would like to point out that this is not a guide on how to get girls or rule your relationship. If that’s the idea in your head, then I would advise that you abandon that train of thought. Jump out of it in one single bound, like the golden age superman. Think of this guide as a sort of mindset that will help you keep your relationship going strong.
So like the Kakashi Sensei said to Team Seven in Naruto, let us begin. (I am not sure he said that, but it sounded cool in my head, so deal with it.)
Spending On Your Woman
I know, I know, everyone is always talking about this. Spend on your girl! Spend on your girl!! Spend on your girl!!! It has become something like a mantra, hell, there’s even this one meme about spending on your girl till she’s too expensive for other guys to afford. And I would just like to say, this mentality is BULLSHIT! (And the crowd goes wild!)
Now slow down there cowboy, and cowgirls, I am not saying spending on your girl is wrong, Nah! Everyone deserves to be lavished on. Life’s too hard to not be lavished on. What I am saying is, it is not a law. It is not a fundamental rule that governs the universe. I think this train of thought is like those idioms, we all grew up to find out were incomplete, like “Blood is thicker than water” being “the blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb.” (There is this entire philosophical discourse on this, but that is not our business here.) I think the “Spend on your girl” mantra is actually, “spend on your girl because you want to.”
Take note that I did not say “because she deserves it” or “because you want to keep her out of reach of other guys.” Like I earlier said, everyone deserves to be lavished on. I deserve money being spent on me, simply because I am human. From birth, our parents have in one way or the other, spent on us, so in one way or the other, money should be spent on you. Most times, as you grow older as a guy, people stop giving you money and such, because you know, you are a man now. (Such utter injustice and rubbish. Everyone needs money- insert crying emoji here.) Society is messed up that way, and we are a long way from curbing that culture.
And if you are spending on your girl because you want to keep other guys away, I would like to inform you that it will end in tears. Not only will it breed a stupid sense of entitlement in both you and your girl, but it will also most likely end in tears. Why? Well, just like anything you invest money in, you will expect a return on investment. And last I remembered, girls are humans, not property. So, money should not and cannot be the foundation of a long-lasting relationship. It will end in tears, once the money stops coming or someone with a bigger spending capability comes along.
Spending on your girl “because you want to” is the only way to go about it safely. What do I mean? Remember that feeling of fulfillment you get from washing plates unprompted? Well, that’s the same thing that applies here. The more you spend on her for no other reason than because you want to, will give you that feeling, over and over in your relationship. And personally, a feel-good vibe is something I want in my relationship, I don’t know about you.
Before we move on to the next thing, I need to point out that you should not spend above your means. If you are among the lucky few and have a steady source of income, then spending on your girl should not be so difficult. If you aren’t then, cut your clothes according to your means. If you come into some money, you can buy her a dress (Smallee sells some amazing dresses by the way) or have food delivered to her. Girls love surprises, so it’s even more thrilling when she’s not expecting it. Now that that’s said, let’s move on.
This is another topic that’s been trending on the social media airwaves in recent times. Consent, in simple times, it is asking for permission. You know, the way you asked your teacher for permission to leave the class back in primary school? That’s the same thing here, except the teacher is your girl, your woman, your lady, and another human being.
I know it might seem ridiculous when you first think of it, but asking for consent at irregular intervals even after the sex has stopped is kind of sexy. It’s another level of power in and of itself (this is for you, sub and dominant minded people). Think about it, if she keeps saying yes, that’s another level of submission right, there, she keeps giving herself over to you, so you can guide both of you to newer levels of pleasure.
I don’t know about you, but hearing “Yes, Daddy!” in that sexy moan-y voice that girls make, each time you ask “Do you want this?” or “Can I do this?” is such a huge turn-on. Then she’ll do that sexy wriggle and wiggle and you will… Sorry, I digress, anyway, the point is, it is sexy to ask for consent.
Now I know that I have been talking about when you are already doing the do, what about before? The consent thing is different here. It is thousand times more important. Why? Even if she’s your girlfriend, she’s still another person. You would not go into another person’s compound without permission first, would you? No matter how close you are. How much more going into another person’s body? If you think that, “Shebi we are dating,” my brother, let me tell you, even marriage is not a certificate of entry into her body, how much less dating. Some of you are even still at the talking stage. So, my brother, my guy, my person, ask. You can even think of sexy and funny ways to ask for consent, like, “Hey, the FBI is after my penis, can I hide it in you?”
It is important that I emphasize, that her saying “No” is not the same as “Convince me.” I know that you are thinking of those mumu girls that like to act tough and call you weak for not trying again after the first “No”. Do not mind them, they are agents of confusion. In the end, I would rather sit at the same table as a man labeled weak by a confused human being than at a table where a man labeled rapist by a sane person sits. I am sure you’d make the right choice. If you are not sure where the line is drawn, how about letting the girl take charge. Let her initiate sex for once, there’s this rarely tapped fountain of being desired, waiting for you at the end of that path. Drink from it and thank me later.
I must confess, this one took some getting used to for me too. Hell, I think I am still getting used to it too. The truth is, and it is a sad truth, the concept of an independent lady is a strange thing to today’s society. So, I can understand how confusing it is to date an independent lady. Most of us are used to the whole “do it for me, and take care of me” kind of ladies, but look around you today, that breed of ladies are dying out.
Now, let me point out, that if you are dating an independent lady only in name, then this is probably not for you. That said, the simplest way to date an independent lady is to treat her like a bro. Personally, I feel like everyone should be treated as a bro. It’s just much easier and you will find yourself breathing easier.
What do I mean about treating her like a bro? You know how you don’t necessarily take charge and know about all the things going on in your bro’s life? It’s the same thing here. A common mistake, all guys make is that they try to take charge and slot themselves into their partner’s lives. And looking back, I feel like it’s a stupid way to go about things. Your partner was a person on her own before you came along, so why should that change now that you are there? Does your presence mandate that she must change who she is, just to accommodate you? That is a big fat NO!
Your presence should better her relationship lifestyle, and that’s it, her personal life should still be hers to handle. There is a thin line between being a supportive partner and being a bossy partner and it is one that we all must toe carefully. Sometimes we slip and go too far, that’s okay, we all make mistakes. What is necessary is that you learn from your slip-ups and better yourself. That way, you not only be an awesome partner but also grow as a person too.
Now I know I said, I would avoid the usual, do this for your girl regularities, so what’s in it for you? Well, a TRULY independent partner is a breath of fresh air. In an independent lady, you get a partner and not a burden. You get someone who lets you do your own thing and in your own time, simply because, you give her the same benefit. With an independent lady, hanging out with the boys will no longer become a bothersome task, why? Because you both have your own lives. All she demands is your support and attention when it is needed. I say needed, not wanted, because, sometimes when she wants attention might be a time you need to yourself, and you might be unable to give her the attention. Nonetheless, you should try and balance things up and make it up to her the VERY few times you are unavailable to her. While she might be a bro, she’s still your best bro, remember that, and keep it in mind and in your heart.
Makeup or Breakup
This segment is a couple of tips that will help you decide if a relationship is worth continuing or fighting for (Pumps fists in the air). More often than not, topics like this are geared towards women and now the men finally get a chance, so when should you makeup or break-up?
You should break up with an overly demanding partner. Calm down, don’t rush, I said OVERLY demanding, not just demanding. Sometimes when our partners demand things of us, they have our best interests at heart. I am talking about the ladies that want you to become superman when you are Clark Kent without all the superpowers. She wants you to buy a wig of 100k for her right after you just paid her house rent and her school fees, all on 20k monthly salary. I mean come on, let’s be realistic, even God, our father, the big G himself, only takes ten percent of our earnings. If your partner expects you to do things that she would and can’t do for herself, then it’s time to walk away, on the other hand, if she’s fully capable and continues to push you to better yourself, my brother, grab unto that woman and hang on tight.
I might have mentioned it earlier but if your partner is a confused mumu when it comes to sex, my brother, take a step back and examine your relationship. If she is all about you forcing yourself on her and continues to make sex feel like she’s doing you a favor, it is time to JAPAA! You might think I am overreacting, but think about it, most times, you will find out that it’s not only sex, everything she does for you is a favor. Buying you a gift is supposedly a reward, rather than being a gift in itself. Spending time with you is supposed to be a big deal because she’d rather be doing other things. You see the pattern? Anyhow, any partner that cannot effectively communicate her consent and makes you feel like dating her is a favor to you is most likely a breakup waiting to happen.
When I set out to write this, I thought I’d end it at maybe five hundred words and walk away, but I sort of got lost in the keystrokes and kept typing (slight shy blush) anyhow, I have written. Sound off in the comments and let me know your thoughts on this piece. I welcome any and all contributions and eagerly wait to learn some things from you too.
Dexter signing out. (Deep Bow).
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